{Day 4} Holding Still

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): Today, for the first time in my life, I experienced what I was told was heartburn.

I always imagined heartburn, well, burning.

Instead, I felt a steady pressure on my breastbone and a dull, aching sensation. It certainly wasn't pleasant, but it wasn't crippling, either. Just uncomfortable, and nothing a few Tums couldn't fix.

And since I've never felt it before, I'm blaming the little blue pill.

Lupron (10units, subQ injection): Just like this same time last year, we left town for the Invasion, a sort of state youth rally for our northern California churches. But unlike last year, I'm a week behind schedule, so I wasn't forced to give myself several stim injections while hiding in an industrial fridge during services, panicking when I thoroughly botched my first Luveris shot and had to call my doctor after hours.

But I did have to shoot up my lupron injection in the corner of the hotel room early in the morning before anyone realized what I was doing.

Not quite as exciting, but adventurous, nonetheless.

Be still, and know that I am God...

Psalms 46:10 (KJV)

Heavenly Father,

As the chaos of secret injections, traveling chronicles of IVF, and the craziness of new symptoms swarm around me in full force, I'm reminded by this verse that You are sovereign. While I can't seem to catch up, keep up, or even give it up, You are always constant, never changing, always steady.

Hold me still, Lord, and show me Your mercy when I need it the most,

Amen.

“To have a quiet mind is to possess one's mind wholly; to have a calm spirit is to possess one's self.”

-Hamilton Wright Mabie