Let The Shots Begin

Daily Documentation of All Things IVF, Part II.

Wednesday, 9-16-09 (Day 1)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): It's time for round two, and I have some new self-inflicted guidelines to follow. Rule number one; there will be no scale stalking this cycle.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am at a perfectly healthy weight for my height and build, right where I should be. Of course I'd love to change certain aspects of my body, but now is not the appropriate time to obsess over it.

Instead, I will focus my energy on overcoming this tiny steroid pill by making healthy food choices and not beating myself up when I slip.

Because most likely I will slip.

And it will be often.

Lupron (10units, subQ injection): I've decided the best method for delivering this bee sting-ish injection is to draw up the meds the night before. No more fumbling at 6:15am with a tiny glass vial and a dangerously sharp needle while only partially awake.

Simply remove the cap, and administer the burn.

And to add to my list of new methods this cycle, I have ditched the ice; it takes up too much time that I don't have in the mornings. Besides, I've been pricked so many times that I'm officially over the shock of stabbing, stinging, bruising and bleeding that accompany the injections anyway.

Oh, and that sharps container that just about drove me bananas last time?

Piece of cake.

For now.

Thursday, 9-17-09 (Day 2)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): No ravenous hunger binges yet; but we're just getting started. Let's let the drugs fully penetrate my system before we jump to any conclusions.

Lupron (10units, subQ injection): Today's left side injection went well. I did notice a small bruise from yesterdays injection that I welcomed, embracing the possibility of what it may bring in ten more months.

And then I got scared of what it may not bring.

Because this time around things feel a little different, and unfortunately my bi-polar attitude is my constant companion. I'm still excited but apprehensive, hopeful but leery, prepared but distant, and my defense mechanisms are in full gear.

But luckily, so is Operation Green.

Although I haven't been eating as organic as I planned, I'm more green than ever before thanks to organic hand, body, and face wash, shampoo, conditioner, laundry and dish washing detergents, and homemade cleaning products.

That's right, homemade. Move over, Martha Stewart.

I've also been nail polish, hair dye and caffeine free for about two months now, and even after IVF and pregnancy, I don't think I'll ever go back to my old unearthly ways.

Well, I probably should go back to getting highlights.

And I do miss toe nail polish.

In the mean time, I'll remember that my God is bigger than my worries and I've done everything possible to prepare myself this time around without giving in to what I'm starting to really think is an honest to goodness obsessive compulsive disorder. I've also lightened up on myself and decided I'm OK with being a little distant this time around, because it's normal to be scared after experiencing failure.

As long as you pick yourself up and give it another shot.

"You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself."

-Carol Burnett