Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Double Shot

Tuesday, 9-29-09 (Day 14)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): Fall has officially come to Northern California, and I couldn't be more blissful. This morning, after taking my little steroid pill, I opened up all the windows and let the crisp Autumn breeze fill the house for the first time in months.

Ravenous appetite or not, today will be a good day.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): I barely even noticed as I pricked myself for the fifty-millionth time this morning, because I too was busy contemplating which candle scent I should purchase to celebrate Fall.

Pumpkin Spice seems the most fitting.

Follistim (300units, subQ injection): Tonight the double shots begin, and my husband resumed his duties by officially administering the medicine that will be growing the organic pumpkin patch in my insides to contain beautiful, strong, mature squashes for our retrieval sometime late next week.

Wednesday, 9-30-09 (Day 15)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I haven't had much of an appetite today, and my stomach has been a little upset.

This could be a very good thing.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): After two full weeks of Lupron shots, my belly button has a permanent black, blue, green and yellow upside down rainbow below it.

Follistim (300units, subQ injection): Instead of finding someone to babysit our toddler and me fighting the fatigue of what would have by now been my second pregnancy, my husband and I spent our third anniversary rushing through a quick dinner to be back home by 6:30 for my time sensitive Follistim shot.

Because after three years of trying, two IUI's, a late MFI diagnosis, one failed IVF and another shot at one currently in progress, we're still not pregnant.

This isn't what I had in mind.

As I sat across from my husband at dinner, I couldn't help but feel blessed, barren womb and all. I may not have the two children I expected to have by now; I'm standing instead right in the middle of our last shot, bruised and battered by needles and infertility. But as I sat in that booth, staring at the other half of my family of two, I realized just how much I have to be thankful for.

And tonight, I can't think of one single reason to complain.

"Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."
-Lao Tzu


Mom Genes said...

Tab, I really look up to you for your attitude about these shots.
I am also happy to report that this Deep South girl who has recently transplanted to the midwest is headed to your neck of the woods for SIL's wedding. October 15th to be spent in San Francisco and 16-19 in Napa. I know it will be gorgeous! I'm proud of you : )

Kelli said...

You rock. Have I told you that lately? Thanks for always being so positive and encouraging me! Praying for you girlie!

Robin said...

That is so awesome. Happy third anniversary! I'm so excited about your organic pumpkin patch! We are praying every day!!!

Hillary said...

Happy anniversary! I feel the same way about fall's arrival AND the many blessings in my life. :)