Fertalization Report

Friday, 7-24-09 (Day 24)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): Still taking them. Still eating.

Ciprofloxacin (500mg, oral pill): I need to look these up and see what they are for so I can come up with some quirky comments about them. Until then, I've got nothing.

PIO (1ml, IM injection): I actually think these are less painful than the SubQ's, and that surprises me.

Clindamycin (150mg vaginal suppository):I woke up at 3am and realized I forgot to insert this, so I had to run to the fridge and awkwardly place it while running back to bed, hoping it wasn't too late. Good thing it was my last one.

Fertilization Report: Of the 13 eggs retrieved yesterday, only 3 were fully mature and 4 were almost mature, so they did the ICSI procedure (where they take an individual sperm and shoot it directly into the egg) on all 7 of them. As expected, the almost mature eggs did not fertilize, but 2 out of the 3 fully mature ones did.

The final report is that out of 24 follicles and 13 eggs retrieved, we have only 2 embryos.

Two embryos is a blessing and I hate to sound ungrateful, it's just not exactly ideal. After yesterdays initial assessment we were planning on at least 10 fully mature and fertilized eggs this morning, hoping they'd all grow strong and we'd be able to put one back in next Tuesday and freeze at least 3 for future siblings.

But we all know what happens when I make plans.

God usually has a different one.

Waking up to a phone call like that left me pretty dismayed for the rest of today. I was anxious, worried, severely disappointed and jumping to the worst possible conclusions for myself. By the time Dr. Greene called me this evening to discuss the issue, I'd already figured in my head that I have crappy eggs despite my stellar blood test and hormone level reports, and that I will never be a mother.

The good news is that Dr. Greene feels it's too early to come to any conclusions and that we have nothing to worry about thus far. As long as the two embryos we do have continue to divide cells and grow, our situation will basically conclude that looks can be deceiving.

At our first ultra sound on Monday we located at least 24 follicles of which 11 already seemed to be mature, so we stopped the meds and triggered to retrieve yesterday. But the unexpected reality was even though our follicles measured large enough to house matured eggs, things-or in our cases follicles-aren't always as they appear.

Every body is different, and Dr. Greene is confident that even if our two precious embryos don't make it to the 5th day (the coveted blastocyte stage) we will at least be able to learn from this process, which is all we really can ever do. In our particular case, we now know that I most likely need to grow larger follicles than the average person to be able to retrieve more mature eggs.

Please pray for the four of us. I already feel like these delicate embryos are my babies and I need to protect them, but I'm so completely helpless. I do, however, take immense comfort in the reminder that God is in control of this situation-not us-and He never makes a mistake. What may seem terrifying and unfair to us is simply a part of His plan, and I have to trust that He'll take care of us and our future.

Whatever that may be.

"There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."

-Epictetus