Saturday, July 25, 2009

Embryo Growth Report

Saturday, 7-25-09 (Day 25)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): Check.

Ciprofloxacin (500mg, oral pill): Is a drug used to treat bacterial infections, and from what I read, should not be used on pregnant women. Yet they have me taking it for at least another week and a half, of which I should be pregnant during the later part of.

PIO (1ml, IM injection): The shots are still going well, but I'm starting to feel the side effects now. My chest is very tender and sore, and it feels as if someone has literally kicked my butt.

I'm also experiencing a lot of pain in my midsection. The entire core of my body feels as if someone has taken out all of my insides, rearranged them, then put them back in the wrong place. I'm also severely bloated, but I'm told this is normal, so I'll just keep taking my extra strength Tylenol and using my heating pad until the pain subsides and is replaced by pregnancy symptoms.

Sunday, 7-26-09 (Day 26)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I finally got back on the scale again, and was surprised to find I'm not quite as heavy as I feel.

Ciprofloxacin (500mg, oral pill): Common side effects are headache, nausea, and abdominal pain, which I'm already experiencing from the egg retrieval anyway. Why not make it worse?

PIO (1ml, IM injection): It's getting hard to receive these shots and their vicious side effects when I'm not even sure if it will be worth it; and I'm not being a pessimist, but rather a realist.

We're down to one embryo today, and it has only 3 cells.

A strong, healthy embryo should have at least 6 cells by now.

Monday, 7-27-09 (Day 27)

No meds to report today because this cycle is over, prematurely.

Our sweet little 3-celled embryo still has only 3 cells, 24 hours later. This means that unless something drastic happens, our final embryo is not viable and non-transferable.

I still haven't cried yet.

Trying to find the silver lining on this raincloud, we are so thankful that we still have one more try. By tomorrow we should be speaking to Dr. Greene and have a better idea of what happened and what we can do to avoid this next time. The nurse told us to not give up hope, she said that we learned so much from this cycle and we'll continue to learn even more from the little embryo that we have struggling in a petri dish right now.

I don't believe this is happening. I can't help but wonder how things would be right now if we had waited just one more day to trigger. Would those 4 almost mature embryos have been fully mature given one or two more days? If they would have been mature, would they have fertilized normally and become healthy blastocytes, or would they have arrested and stopped dividing like the two we already had? Does this mean that my husband’s sperm and my eggs just don't make viable embryo's, or is this simply a timing issue and luck of the draw?

I'd be lying if I said I'm not terrified to do this again. Since we signed up for a two cycle plan our next try will be our final try, and all of the naive bliss and positive thinking that came along with our first cycle will be hard to hold onto, now that I'm aware of what can really happen; even for a couple that has all the odds in their favor.

All we can do now is take this one day at a time. Someone once told me that when God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

I believe it.

I have to.

"If you want to get somewhere, you have to know where you want to go and how to get there. Then never, never, never give up."
-Norman Vincent Peale


Jamie said...

I have been following your blog for some time now. My sister-in-law was in a similar situation as you. She went through a cycle that ended early because she was overstimulated (60+ follicles). She was very distraught over the cycle but they did learn a lot from the cycle and were able to adjust the meds appropriately. She is now 24 weeks pregnant with a little boy. You are on my prayers.

Stephanie said...

I'm glad you beleive that, because so do I :)
Thanks for including me in the email know I'm praying for you girl!
When would they start the next cycle "if" this one doesnt work?
God sees your patience!!

Robin said...

Sweetie, you know we will continue to pray for you, Willie and your future children every day. The Lord has a plan. I completely believe he triggered you too soon. And you'll fix that next time! Much love to you!!!!

BB said...

My heart hurts to hear this! You all are in my prayers! {HUGS}

Suzanne said...

I'm so so sorry to hear this. I'm praying for you.

jvwaiting said...

I am praying for you and your precious embryo. I can't even imagine the stress/heartache you must be feeling.

b is for brown said...

I just want to hug you and make it all better. I'm still hopeful for you and will pray tonight. I'm sending my go go gadget arms out to find you, beautiful lady.

'Murgdan' said...

:-( Sometimes this is all so unbelievably disappointing. I'm sorry.

WantWait&Pray said...

Oh boy. I just emailed you...but I wanted to remind you of a saying that helped me through my last two failed cycles: "God answers prayers in 3 ways: 1: Yes 2: Not Yet and 3: I have a better plan for you"

Remember this....he is listenin to every prayer you murmur and is goin to bless you and your dh. If only we knew what was around the corner. xo

BNHMAMA said...

oh Tabitha. If I could hug you I would. You must be on such a roller coaster right now. Let the Lord carry you! You and Willie are in my prayers.

Hillary said...

So sorry, sweetie. This is such a blow and I was hoping this would be IT for you. I am praying for you and thinking of you.

G & H said...

Just wanting you to know praying for you and thinking of you

JackieMac said...

I am so very sorry - I was so hoping this was it for you.

Tim and Heather said...

Tabitha, My hopes were so high for you. I cried when I read your blog, but I love that you're still finding hope. Please let me know what you find out from your precious little embryo.

Some advice for PIO for next time... cool with ice pack at injection site, warm the bottle in your bra or waist of your pants for 20 minutes, sit on a heating pad right after injection and massage injection site. It still hurts, but not as much. And for the bloating (I have major bloating right now!) just keep drinking lots of liquids.

This process is so hard, physically and emotionally. I don't know if I would have it in me to do it again. You are so brave.

you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

i cant think of anything to say other than i am so, so sorry..

your amazing faith will guide you through this difficult time. you are in my thought, tabitha.

Anonymous said...

my heart breaks for you. I am sorry it did work this time and pray for the Lord to refresh your weary soul.

Kelli said...

I'm sorry this is so late...I don't know how I missed this post. I've been thinking about you and praying for you. I'm so sorry and I am already praying for your next cycle. I'm going to tell you exactly what you told me b/c it is so true - don't let the devil get you down and remember that the God of all creation is in control - he has something so special in store for you. ((HUGS!))

Monty said...

I am so so sorry your little embryo's didn't make it. I am heartbroken for you.

Praying for the next cycle to be more than successful with as many snowbabies as you'll want!

The Wilson's said...

Praying for you, I so believe that this will work out for you next time. You are going to be such a wonderful parent!

Rebekah said...

I'm so sorry. Praying that next time will be so different for you! ((hugs))

Infertile Friend said...

I'm so sorry to hear that this happened. Robin has told me about you and I know she has told you about me and try to have faith that next time will be different. Believe me . . . I know all too well how painful that phone call is but now after my second IVF cycle I'm 35 weeks pregnant. Things weren't stellar the second time either but they worked. I got 13 eggs and only 2 fertilized and grew but they both grew to blastocyst. Its amazing what the doctors can learn from a failed cycle. I pray that things go so differently on your next try!