Monday, June 1, 2009

Time Flies

Time sure flies when your... not trying to conceive?

Today, my IVF Med Ticker tells me I'm one month away from voluntarily becoming a druggie. My Weight Loss Ticker is screaming that I've still got 7 pounds to go. My throbbing ovaries remind me that I'm infertile and officially onto cycle number 29, and my colorful IVF calender informs me that I start birth control tomorrow.

And now I'm sitting here wondering; how in the world was 16 weeks not enough time for me to ditch my pooch and love handles? And why, why, why did the first 2 years of trying to conceive drag on while the last 5 months flew by?

What happened to the good old days when I was just waiting for it to happen, and beyond disappointed when it didn't? We'd been told over and over again that everything was fine, we were perfect, and it would happen. But it didn't-and month after month-time stood still.

Then this last February, we were finally given a reason why it wasn't happening and a possible solution to make it happen. From that point on, time started slipping though my hands, as if the idea of IVF and actually being pregnant was this brand new adventure and I was flailing around, drowning, completely unprepared. Holding on to the possibility of getting pregnant on our own like it was a floatation device.

Suddenly I needed to loose a few pounds, get healthy and physically ready to carry a baby. I had to make the switch over to a greener, safer lifestyle and care more about the environment. I needed to have more patience, enjoy the time I had alone with my husband, and learn to pray more. This new possibility of a child meant things had to change. I needed to change.

So, why now? I always wanted to loose a few pounds, go green, be a better person and enjoy life while striving to be closer to God every day. But why was all of this suddenly a necessity instead of just a goal once IVF came into the picture? Why didn't this drive to become healthy, green over achiever begin almost 2 1/2 years ago when I decided to become a mother?

Maybe deep down I always new I'd have trouble getting pregnant. Maybe I thought I was ready to be a mother, but it's taken this long, hard journey to truly prepare me to take on that role when God blesses me with it. And maybe hearing we'd have to give something as drastic as IVF a try was finally my wake-up call, my reality check, and my kick-in-the-butt to finally get moving.

So while time is flying by, I'm realizing now that if nothing else, infertility has taught me that things don't always come easy, and they're certainly not always free.

But I hear they're always worth it.

“Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.”
-Robert Orben

8 comments:

G & H said...

great post i often wonder when it willtruly hit me to straighten my life up in the sense of losing weight and preparing my body for pregnancy and enjoying time with hubby now.....congrats to you for changing and doing such a great job!

Thanks for the awesome post!

Kelli said...

So exciting that you're starting bc and getting ready for IVF! I think time flies when you're not trying b/c you are not daily sticking needles, going to doctor's appts, having u/s and bloodwork etc...you're just living! I'm kinda in that spot now and anxiously waiting to get started again! Meanwhile, I need to lose about 17 lbs! AHHH!

JackieMac said...

I am totally stealing you quote at the end of this post - I love it and you are right - it is going to be so worth it.

Hillary said...

Tab, it WILL be worth it. God has used this extra waiting time to grow you even more...as difficult as the waiting is, isn't it wonderful to know that He has a plan for it?!? I'm so excited for you IVF cycle :)

Bethany said...

God always has a perfect plan and perfect timing! If anything thing all of this has made you a stronger person, and you have learned so much about yourself. I truly cant wait to see the blog IM PREGNANT!! :)

Robin said...

Heavens, if I had a nickle for every time I've asked myself those same questions! Why didn't I do the organic thing for the first IVF? Why didn't I try acupuncture? Why? Why? Why? But the answer for my life was easy. Because I wasn't trusting God to really be in control. Now I am and it is the most amazing peace. He's used this time to teach you and to give you a break from all the stress. What a blessing to realize that and know it will be worth it some day. Soon I hope!!!

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

gosh, you are so right. time drags, day by day, when you are actively trying. now the time will really fly while doing treatment for ivf. i cant even explain how fast time will go when you get pregnant. :)

Becky Moseley said...

Hey Tabitha. I'm Anna Moseley's sister-in-law, and I've read your blog from time to time since my husband and I are dealing with our own form of infertility. Your hope is so inspiring, and the honesty with which you address each issue is so encouraging for those of us just diving into this.