Have I mentioned I'm :::gasp::: grateful for infertility?
As crazy as it sounds, I'm so thankful for every gosh-darn thing about it, every horrendously ridiculous situation that's come with it, and every gut-wrenching heartache it's given me over the last two and a half years.
Last night my husband and I were walking on a quite trail close to our modest duplex, when I found myself tearing up while thinking about all we've been blessed with. This could have been brought on by the ridiculously gorgeous and unusual fall-like weather we've been experiencing here in northern California. Or maybe it was linked to the feeling of holding the hand of the man I love so much walking next to me.
Or possibly this was triggered by those darn birth control pills.
Either way, I was beaming with happiness and bursting with gratitude, overflowing with emotions now believed to be related to three different situations I'd encountered earlier that day.
An e-mail with the nurse coordinator for my cycle verified that-while we are completely out of pocket-most of the meds for my upcoming cycle have been donated. A talk with my father reminded me that the actual IVF procedure will mostly be covered, not by insurance, but by our generous parents who are desperately seeking (more) grandchildren and are willing to pay the price. And a phone call from a friend bearing good news and encouraging words assured me that God is in control, His timing is perfect, and everything happens for a reason.
See? Not so crazy after all. I've got a lot to be thankful for, and most of it has been brought on my infertility, and I love everything about it. The painful realities, the bitter-sweet memories, and the beautiful moments tucked in between that-together-make up who I am.
Today, I'm counting my blessings. So far, I've got 1 week of birth control pills down, 2 more pounds lost and 3 more reasons to be thankful for infertility.
Maybe crazy isn't so bad after all.
"Smooth roads never make good drivers.
Smooth seas never make good sailors.
Clear skies never make good pilots.
A problem free life never makes a good, strong person.
Be strong enough to accept the challenges of life.
Don’t ask life, 'why me?' instead say, 'Try me'."