Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Crazy

Have I mentioned I'm :::gasp::: grateful for infertility?

As crazy as it sounds, I'm so thankful for every gosh-darn thing about it, every horrendously ridiculous situation that's come with it, and every gut-wrenching heartache it's given me over the last two and a half years.

Last night my husband and I were walking on a quite trail close to our modest duplex, when I found myself tearing up while thinking about all we've been blessed with. This could have been brought on by the ridiculously gorgeous and unusual fall-like weather we've been experiencing here in northern California. Or maybe it was linked to the feeling of holding the hand of the man I love so much walking next to me.

Or possibly this was triggered by those darn birth control pills.

Either way, I was beaming with happiness and bursting with gratitude, overflowing with emotions now believed to be related to three different situations I'd encountered earlier that day.

An e-mail with the nurse coordinator for my cycle verified that-while we are completely out of pocket-most of the meds for my upcoming cycle have been donated. A talk with my father reminded me that the actual IVF procedure will mostly be covered, not by insurance, but by our generous parents who are desperately seeking (more) grandchildren and are willing to pay the price. And a phone call from a friend bearing good news and encouraging words assured me that God is in control, His timing is perfect, and everything happens for a reason.

See? Not so crazy after all. I've got a lot to be thankful for, and most of it has been brought on my infertility, and I love everything about it. The painful realities, the bitter-sweet memories, and the beautiful moments tucked in between that-together-make up who I am.

Today, I'm counting my blessings. So far, I've got 1 week of birth control pills down, 2 more pounds lost and 3 more reasons to be thankful for infertility.

Maybe crazy isn't so bad after all.

"Smooth roads never make good drivers.
Smooth seas never make good sailors.
Clear skies never make good pilots.
A problem free life never makes a good, strong person.
Be strong enough to accept the challenges of life.
Don’t ask life, 'why me?' instead say, 'Try me'."
-Author Unknown

10 comments:

satto said...

You have the best attitude! And you are right. I have SOOOO much to be thankful for. IF isn't all that I am. It is a tiny part that just feels huge. I hope I can remember that from now on.

Kelli said...

Love this post! So glad you have so many blessings to count!! xo

Sarah said...

My gosh I've been loving your blog! I just recently found it a couple of months ago, and as we're in the same situation of ttc for 2.5 years, I feel every entry you write is something I can 100 percent relate to. I'm excited for your IVF treatment, I'll be reading, and praying for the best.

Hillary said...

Thank you for this post -- it is such an amazing, truth filled, and encouraging post that really spoke to me. On the difficult days it is hard for me to see it, but I KNOW God has set me on this path for a purpose and it is good. I, too, am thankful, although I cry as I write it.

JackieMac said...

That is so wonderful that you are getting help with your IVF - OOP sucks.

As for you quote - I am totally stealing it and using it as my facebook status.

WantWait&Pray said...

You, my friend, are such an inspiration. Thank you for this post....I needed it.
I am praying for you that while you're on this journey, you'll continue to reflect each day on how many blessings have been poured out and gotten you and your DH to where you are.
I felt like that while I was going through IVF both times because each day is a step closer to making your miracle baby.

Robin said...

What a great post! Praying for you!!!!

Mishi said...

Thanks for your post on my blog! I think you are so right for taking the time to appreciate everything else that you have going for you. Personally I know that if only I was fertile, life would be almost "too" perfect for me. I married the perfect person for me, I have a great family, great job, etc. Infertility has definitely brought me back to reality, and your post reminded me to appreciate everything else that is going right in my life. I am following your blog and waiting anxiously for your next update!

Joy said...

I just found your blog and your attitude is SO refreshing. Infertility really does stop one and help them to feel more grateful (sometimes not in that moment, but definitely at some point).

*HUGS*

You have an AWESOME family, too, BTW!

b is for brown said...

i love your optimism and hoping it is contagious! i hate being negative. yuck! you are really amazing and i just found you!

ps - i am on a weightloss journey pre-IVF too. gotta get healthy to carry our little beans to be, right?