Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Next Time

That's what I say every time I leave the dentist office.

At my first dental visit since trying to start our family, I remember being pretty upset because my period had just started, comforted only by the assumption that next time I came into the office I'd be pregnant. Six months later, I was back at the dentist office-and a few days late-not letting them take X-rays because I swore I was pregnant. Then six months after that, I left the office again knowing that next time I would definitely be pregnant, putting my faith in our upcoming IUI.

We all know how that turned out.

As I sat there today with my freshly warmed neck wrap and paraffin wax dipped hands laying on top the latest issue of People Magazine in my lap, I couldn't help but think how much I love my dentist and his ability to keep up with the latest and greatest reading material; but how much I hate coming here and being reminded of my inability to conceive.

And then suddenly I realized I've spent the last few years comparing my conception status to my semi-annual dentist visits, living infertility in six month increments. Reminded each time I leave the office, with clean teeth but still barren, that I thought I'd be pregnant by now. Once again disappointed, despite the exceptional service and unbeatable spa-like atmosphere, but still hopeful for a better turn out next time.

It's true what they say; old habits die hard.

Because today-two weeks into my birth control pills and exactly two weeks away from starting meds for IVF-I couldn't help but repeat history as I exited those heavy glass doors, feeling the warm sun on my face as I looked up at the sky and gave myself what I hoped to be my last pep talk.

Next time, I'll be pregnant.

"We can learn a lot from trees: they're always grounded but never stop reaching heavenward."
-Everett Mamor

22 comments:

satto said...

I hope so Tabitha.

Stephanie said...

I hope with all of my heart that you will be :)

Lisa said...

Yes you will!!

Sarah said...

i do the same thing, it think it's because i'd gone to the dentist the first month we were trying (coz i'd read that was good). last week was my 5th visit since then. my fingers are crossed for us both, that next time we go and are asked "is there any medical changes" we can say yes!

Foster Mama said...

I hope that by next time you will be pregnant. I was in mine the other day and had to fill out new paperwork and it had a whole section on being pregnant....I'm like...is this really neccessary??

Kelli said...

Fingers crossed for clean teeth and a pregnant belly the next time you're there!

ps. Warmed neck pillows? Paraffin wax? I think I need a new dentist!

Dianne said...

we all do that, don't we?...

b is for brown said...

hi. i just found your blog. it looks like you and i are on a similar journey. i will be starting lupron in 3 weeks time.

would love to follow your journey. i am a bit afraid and optimistic and well, any other emotion you can throw in there!

i have a private ttc blog...

b is for brown said...

ps - i just posted about you and linked it back from my ttc blog. would love to send you an invite.

sorry if i seem like a stalker. ;)

b is for brown said...

Hi. Yup. I will be just a little behind you. I have to go through one full cycle (day 2 is today) and start Lupron in a little less than 3 weeks. Then when I get my Lupron period (est. July 16th), that will be my IVF cycle. Exciting! Routing for both of our miracles.

Bethany said...

YOu should seriously be a writer, your so good at it! I pray that this all works out for you!!! I am so excited to find out when you get prego :)
What dentist do you go too, it does sound like quite the place i must say!

♥Tabitha said...

Bethany,
LOL! Dr. Doyle, he's the best!! His office is AMAZING! It's like going to the spa twice a year =)

Michelle said...

I found you through Erin. This post totally hit home for me. I thought I was the only person who freaked out EVERY time I go to the dentist and then say, next time they won't be able to do those darn x-rays! Good luck with this cycle. I'll be checking back to see how you're doing. Nice to meet you!
~Michelle

♥Tabitha said...

Michelle,
Nice to meet you too! It's always nice to hear your not the only one! =)

BB said...

I exactly know what you mean! Anyhow... I realised that I am around 1 week behind you on my IVF schedule. I will be following you! Good luck! {HUGS}

BB said...

...well may be not even a week... tentative ER/ET are almost the same. Hope this turns out to be a *great* cycle for both of us!

Echloe said...

I hope so to. And FYI I used to do the same thing. I was so proud to finally be able to tell them I couldn't have an xray because I was pregnant.

Hillary said...

Yes, I hope you will be!! I, too, have counted infertility time through dentist visits and just had my third.

☆ Loren ☆ said...

Check out my "Manic Monday" Post, there is an Award waiting for you!

WantWait&Pray said...

I do that too, with so many things! When I buy clothes I secretly wonder (would this look cute with a baby bump?), when I get a wedding invitation I wonder (will I be newly pregnant and glowing?) and as holidays approach I wonder (will this be the family gathering where we will share our pregnancy news?).
You are getting SO close and I am so confident that this will be it for you. Next dentist appt, you can say "no xray's please, I'm pregnant" ;-)

Kristi said...

Hey Tabitha, just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a sisterhood award! Visit my blog for more details :)

Melissa said...

My hubby and I had MFI as well. After 3 years of trying we did IVF, had only 2 eggs to transfer and we now have an 8 month old daughter. I remember at 8 weeks I went to the doctor, saw the baby and the heartrate, went back to work for an all employee meeting where I promptly fainted in front of everyone...lets just say everyone started quessing something was up. Good Luck with your IVF cycle!