Monday, May 4, 2009

Last Chance

Right now I'm shamelessly downing some Grande-Mint-Mocha-Frappachino-with whipped-cream-and-carmel-drizzle-goodness.

Darn these things, they suck me in every time.

I had no choice; Frappachinos mixed with a few extra-strength Tylenol is the only thing that quites my throbbing ovaries during times like these.

Not that I'm counting, but today is the start of cycle number 28 and the first day of our last unmedicated and unmonitored month of trying to produce our much awaited offspring. Literally our last chance at a natural pregnancy before we open up that pack of birth control and jump into the medically advanced world of ART treatments and IVF.

My mind is racing. Should I even bother being hopeful that we could actually get pregnant on our own this cycle, or should I just resume preparing for IVF and pretend like I really don't care? Is it crazy that I'm actually excited for IVF instead of terrified? Do I need to call the Dr. and double check that they've ran every test possible to accelerate our chances of this working? Is all this emotional Frappachino drinking making me fat?

The only thing besides the Tylenol and Frappachino that quites my rebellious ovaries and eccentric mind is the fact that God doesn't think in terms of months and to-do-lists. He doesn't have a countdown in his head like I do, mentally checking off my jumble of tests, blood work, ovulation dates and Frappachino calories.

It's all new, exciting, and wonderfully terrifying, but it's also liberating to have faith that God knows exactly how this is going to turn out; He'll never be surprised or caught off guard because He's already written the ending to this story.

And it's pretty pointless to stress about and contemplate the future when I fully trust that God will take care of it, because the thought of God in control of this entire process is far more powerful than a Frappachino and Tylenol.

And it's fat free, too.

When through life’s darkened maze I go
And troubles overwhelm my soul
Oh grant me, Lord, the faith to know
that you are always in control.
-Author Unkown


satto said...

I don't think it's crazy. I was really excited to start IVF too. I'm in the middle of my first one now. It isn't easy, but it's nothing you can't handle. Good luck!

Robin said...

It's absolutely not crazy to be excited. The whole process is so fascinating. Every day is like Christmas morning. What will my blood work say today? How much did my follies grow? Then the relief of having the embabies at home inside you after the transfer. You'll be amazed. I'll be praying for you! And enjoy the last month of trying! You never know.

Stephanie said...

Good luck on this last month of trying..not that its your last chance though!!
I will keep you in my prayers!!
God has good plans for you, I can just feel it!
(my best friend is going through the same thing, and I sent her your blog..hope you dont mind!!)

♥Tabitha said...

Don't mind at all! And thank you for the prayers!

Kelli said...

You should totally be excited about the IVF process...the needles, office visits, ultrasounds, etc. can be tedious, but a BFP at the end is totally worth it! I hope this month is it for you, anything is possible!

ps. I'm so glad trusting in God is fat free b/c I've been endulging in a lot of that lately!!

Hillary said...

What a blessing to be excited!! You must be where God wants you to be. But wouldn't it be awesome to get a BFP on your last "on your own" cycle like Sara?!

'Murgdan' said...

It is exciting...and all I can say is...I'm LOVING the idea of a mint-mocha-frappachino with whipped cream! YUM! AND BONUS...I get to mix mine with hydrocodone! Sweet.

BNHMAMA said...

Isn't God wonderful! Not all can have the peace that you are blessed with. He is in control no matter what!!! You are in my prayers!

The Wilson's said...

You're not crazy at all! I'm so glad you're excited, I'm so excited for you!!!

Jennifer said...

It isn't crazy at all! I'm so excited and hopeful for you. I hope this next month goes by quickly for you :-)

ASHELY said...

I have tagged you for an award, please go to my blog.

osuraj said...

I think it's normal to be excited. The odds are so much better for IVF, you actually feel like there's a legitimate "shot" for once! :-)

Jennifer said...

Hi Tab! I nominated you for a Sisterhood Award! xo

WantWait&Pray said...

I missed this post....but it is a FANTASTIC one! I kept praying for God to bless the doctors, the nurses the lab tech's today and then I realized HE is the one that is controlling each event today. He's in control, he has the wheel and he has written the ending. We're mearly characters in our life story- but the author is God. What a comforting and refreshing feeling.
Although, I should try the frappacuccino- because my ovaries are throbbing too! ;-) I'm excited for you!

Caitlin said...

Loved your post and loved the quote-you are so right, God has written the ending.