Letting Go

I'm growing up, moving on, and learning to let go...

today I'm giving my baby bedding away.

I know it's sounds crazy, I mean...who has baby bedding before they have a baby, right? That's like purchasing a wedding gown before getting engaged. But as usual I have an explanation, er...excuse. OK, maybe just another long winded story.

Just after we were married, I purchased an OshKosh crib set because I instantly fell in love with the sweet pattern and mix of textures. Besides, it was a really great deal-and I've never been one to pass up a great deal-so I had to have it. I was sure that our first child would be a little girl and it wouldn't be too much longer before we would start trying to make her anyway. I was ready for her.

But soon after I purchased this set we decided not to find out the sex of our baby until after he/she was born. However; I continued to hold on to the bedding. Maybe because it was my first baby purchase, or maybe it was some sort of demented symbol of hope; like letting go of this bed set would be linked to letting go of my dreams of being a mom. (uh-oh...sounds a lot like my issues with my maternity wardrobe...darn it!)

Eventually I realized it was time to let it go. Even if we did have have a little girl, I'd already conjured up new and different dreams for my ideal nursery. So just recently, when one of my friends found out she's expecting a girl and was happy to free me of this crazy obsession by taking the bedding, I welcomed the soon-to-be absence of it. I'm absolutely thrilled it's going to someone who will love and appreciate it as much as I would have, and I'm even more relieved that it's not going to a complete stranger.

I think this crib bedding, as weird as it sounds, is an example of me learning to let go of what my plan for my life was. I never thought I'd be sitting here over two years later, giving up my unopened and unused baby bedding, waiting for CD3 to roll around so I can go get blood work done in preparation for an extremely unnatural process that may hold my only chance at starting a family. Never would have guessed this would be my life. If you'd told me it would be, I wouldn't have believed you.

So now it's out with the old, in with the new, and this time I won't purchase any crib sets until after I'm pregnant. I learned a good lesson though; I had no idea letting go would feel so good. I'm going to have make an effort to do it more often. It's past time to let go of all fear, doubt, worry...and how I thought my life should play out. What I thought was best for me. How I thought everything should happen. God has His own plans, His own timing, and it's best to just roll with it. It's much less stressful to let Him call the shots, take the reigns.

Besides, I know whatever God has waiting for me will be even more ridiculously amazing then I could have planned for myself anyway.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.

-Joseph Campbell