Friday, March 6, 2009

Letting Go

I'm growing up, moving on, and learning to let go...

today I'm giving my baby bedding away.

I know it's sounds crazy, I mean...who has baby bedding before they have a baby, right? That's like purchasing a wedding gown before getting engaged. But as usual I have an explanation, er...excuse. OK, maybe just another long winded story.

Just after we were married, I purchased an OshKosh crib set because I instantly fell in love with the sweet pattern and mix of textures. Besides, it was a really great deal-and I've never been one to pass up a great deal-so I had to have it. I was sure that our first child would be a little girl and it wouldn't be too much longer before we would start trying to make her anyway. I was ready for her.

But soon after I purchased this set we decided not to find out the sex of our baby until after he/she was born. However; I continued to hold on to the bedding. Maybe because it was my first baby purchase, or maybe it was some sort of demented symbol of hope; like letting go of this bed set would be linked to letting go of my dreams of being a mom. (uh-oh...sounds a lot like my issues with my maternity wardrobe...darn it!)

Eventually I realized it was time to let it go. Even if we did have have a little girl, I'd already conjured up new and different dreams for my ideal nursery. So just recently, when one of my friends found out she's expecting a girl and was happy to free me of this crazy obsession by taking the bedding, I welcomed the soon-to-be absence of it. I'm absolutely thrilled it's going to someone who will love and appreciate it as much as I would have, and I'm even more relieved that it's not going to a complete stranger.

I think this crib bedding, as weird as it sounds, is an example of me learning to let go of what my plan for my life was. I never thought I'd be sitting here over two years later, giving up my unopened and unused baby bedding, waiting for CD3 to roll around so I can go get blood work done in preparation for an extremely unnatural process that may hold my only chance at starting a family. Never would have guessed this would be my life. If you'd told me it would be, I wouldn't have believed you.

So now it's out with the old, in with the new, and this time I won't purchase any crib sets until after I'm pregnant. I learned a good lesson though; I had no idea letting go would feel so good. I'm going to have make an effort to do it more often. It's past time to let go of all fear, doubt, worry...and how I thought my life should play out. What I thought was best for me. How I thought everything should happen. God has His own plans, His own timing, and it's best to just roll with it. It's much less stressful to let Him call the shots, take the reigns.

Besides, I know whatever God has waiting for me will be even more ridiculously amazing then I could have planned for myself anyway.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-Joseph Campbell


G & H said...

You are so strong! I recently let go too and it feels gREAT! God is good!

Emily said...

You are so brave, its more then just a crib set it's the symbol of it all and I know how hard it is to seperate something that is material for the feelings it represents!! I have faith that it will work out in the end and you will have the nursery of your dreams and a beautiful baby to fill it!

Juliette said...

I just wrote a blog where I talked about the tanglible signs of what God is doing in the spiritual - and it sounds like letting go of the baby bedding is it for you! You are letting go of calling the shots and letting God take the reigns. And I believe you are right. Your life will be incredibly richer by letting God lead. For HE knows the plans he has for you, plans to prosper you... Jer 29:11 :)

Stephanie said...

you are so strong! Thank you for being so honest and open about your situation!
I think you are doing a great thing, and I'm glad you feel good about it too!!

Lisa said...

Good for you!! Feels so good doesnt it?

Ryan said...

You have a very healthy and halanced view of life.

Always remember that there is a larger Mind at work. A mind that is always looking to give us our greater good. If something doesn't work out for you then there must be something infinitely better on the way :)

Thanks for sharing your insight.


Robin said...

I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now. I'm honestly not exactly sure how I first found it. I can totally relate to having to learn how to give up the "plan" you had for your life and learning how to go with the flow of whatever God's plan is for you. Best wishes on your upcoming blood tests!

Robin said...

I just found your blog and have read all your posts non-stop from the beginning. Normally, I'll read for months before I comment but your post about being left behind as all the blogs you follow move from "hoping" to pregnant really hit home. Thank you for being so open about your struggles and thank you for consistently finding the blessings along that journey. I will be praying for you!

JackieMac said...

I have a baby book collection and a baby photo album that I bought back in November 2006 - they are gender neutual and I cannot bring myself to get rid of them - you are very strong and brave for doing that - the hardest thing sometimes is letting go.