{Day 9} Waiting

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I was doing so well.

Where most people drowned there worries in alcohol, I was drinking in massive quantities of baby friendly H2O. I've been keeping up with my workouts, taking my vitamins, even managing to to deflate a few pounds.

Until Ben and Jerry's with all of their dairy sinfulness came into the picture and joined forces with classic nacho cheese Doritos-courtesy of my husband-and in my weakness I downed at least two days worth of my caloric intake.

But tomorrow is a new day.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): These little bee sting shots are still going smoothly; I'm currently bruise free and still waking up early without a hitch, despite my new physco productive night owl status.

It's glorious.

And amidst my usual filled daily work schedule I made my way over to get my E2 levels drawn, and the waiting began; because even though I made my blood draw my first stop this morning, the lab in town doesn't run that test STAT so I knew I most likely wouldn't get the results until tomorrow, which of course messes up my documenting process.

It's certainly not the most important number of this cycle, but it's the first one; thus marking the beginning of the next few weeks of waiting restlessly for phone calls that will either make or break my day.

And as we draw closer to the frantic schedule of multiple injections, traveling back and forth to out of town Dr. appointments, and the daunting task of hiding the fact that my abdomen is three times the size it should be as my body tries so desperately to produce ten times the amount of follicles it normally would, I'm suddenly reminded of how hard it is to simply wait.

So as I sit here now, waiting for my E2 results, the period that should have been here by now and a child or two to occupy my womb, I'll continually remind myself of yesterdays observance of God's perfect timing.

And try to practice patience as I hurry up and wait.

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

Psalms 27:14 (KJV)

Lord,

You know my heart, all of my strengths and my many, many weaknesses. You've used infertility in attempt to teach me patience over the last several years, but we both know that I've failed those trials miserably. So I'm coming to You tonight, asking for the strength to trust in You again as the string of waiting games begin.

Thank you for this verse that reminds me that if I keep my eyes on You, my heart will be encouraged and my faith-and patience-will grow as I seek Your will and perfect timing in all areas of my life. Teach me to wait on You,

Amen.

"Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness,and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success."

-Brian Adams