{Day 6} Comprehending

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): Today was a really great controlled eating day, especially since I administered my most recent anti-snacking plan that consists mostly of drowning myself in fluids to avoid a growling stomach.

I figure if I can manage to force myself to consume two times the amount of water necessary on a daily basis, my insides will be too full to devour everything in site, and I just may finally be able to show this little blue pill who's boss.

And become best friends with the bathroom, of course.

If this brilliant routine continues as planned, this may very well be the easiest-and cheapest-solution to the steroid induced hunger binge problem ever invented.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): Given the fact that my sluggish, lazy behavior and throbbing headaches had been steadily increasing at night, I was happy to finally be able to cut my dose in half this morning.

Today is also my last day of birth control pills, probably for the rest of my life. Obviously I don't need them to prevent a pregnancy, but the doctor does like to make me take the tiny estrogen pills a few weeks before I cycle just to be sure that my lady parts cooperate and land on their specific clinical schedule, and to sort of calm down any mischief going on inside before they introduce more potent drugs into my system.

I'm just happy to have one less man made hormone wrecking havoc inside my body.

But just like I have to trust in the Lord and His plan for my life, I have to trust that my doctor is giving me exactly the right medicine at exactly the right time, even if I don't understand everything that entails. Because it's not really my job to comprehend everything anyway, and I'm starting to realize that calmness seems to follow when I let go of needing all the answers and allow myself to trust in the experts to guide me in the right direction.

Finally.

God thundereth marvellously with His voice; great things doeth He, which we cannot comprehend.

Job 37:5 (KJV)

Lord,

When things don't go according to my own plans, it's so easy to try to come to my own conclusions and complain along the way. I often find myself getting lost trying to pave my own trail, blocking out Your voice as I push forward hastily instead of looking at the bigger picture and trusting You, waiting patiently for Your will to unfold.

Remind me to listen for Your voice through the chaos of infertility. You are a mighty and powerful God, and I trust you to do great things in my life. Use this struggle to strengthen my faith in you, give me patience to wait on You, and wisdom to follow You so that I can fully accept the amazing plans you have in store for me,

Amen.

“Man must be disappointed with the lesser things of life before he can comprehend the full value of the greater.”

-Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton