{Day 16} Finding Balance

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I'm done saying that I'm done with the scale. It's just one of those things that I have to accept about myself, because I'm always going to be curious about how much weight I gain while consuming large quantities of drugs.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): Still no bruising; it's amazing.

I'm pretty sure I've broken a record.

Follistim (150units, subQ injection) & Luveris (50units, subQ injection): I'm officially a horrible documentor.

Just like everything else this cycle, I'm struggling to find the perfect balance between forcing myself to write a post even though I don't have time, and learning to let go of my obsessive perfectionism. But now more than ever, I want to be sure to keep up with this journalism process as the cycle progresses and the pace begins to elevate.

After considering our hectic schedules lately, my husband and I determined it would be for the best to administer these stim shots close to bedtime. So for documenting purposes, I'll always be a day behind, unless I choose to write these posts after 10:30pm, which we all know isn't going to happen.

Especially since I can barely manage to write a regular post-on time-during the day.

So for now, although I am perfectly capable of giving myself these shots, it's my husbands only true drug responsibility and I don't dare strip him of that position-and his manliness-just to simplify my life. So instead, I try my best to mask the pain I feel when his somewhat unsteady bear claw of a hand accidentally lifts up on the shot after it's stuck in me. Because despite the small amount of discomfort I feel, it's always worth it to see the proud look on his face after he completes his task of administering the ever important egg growing hormones.

And I'm thrilled to report that even after two full days worth of this new juice in my system, I'm feeling great. The lupron still causes a few headaches, but the insomnia has worn off and my energy has leveled off to a normal obsessive pace and I'm pretty much back to my old self; which I'm trying to take advantage of as the Follistim will soon make me look and feel three months pregnant.

In the meantime, I'm doing my best to keep up with my usual workout routine, while preparing myself for the possibility that mild to moderate lower abdominal pain and bloating may soon make it difficult to continue with all of the twisting and stretching that both Yoga and Centergy classes require.

Again, trying to find that balance.

I want to continue with my routines as much as possible, both to keep my stress levels down and keep my body feeling healthy. But in a few short days we'll be traveling back and forth to Sacramento for our follicle checks, and going to the gym every day but Sunday will no longer be an option. And being that we are only about a week away from a possible egg retrieval and just as close-hopefully-to a transfer, it's time to start cooling it down and learning to just set still for a while.

Not so easy for me, since go go go has been keeping me sane these past six months.

But it's not about me anymore. The yoga, acupuncture, vitamins, and attempt at a healthy lifestyle that I've administered for the last half of the year has all been leading up to this point, and now it's time to balance it all out. It's necessary for me to accept that I've done all I can at this point, and now I just have to set back and enjoy the ride, and watch how God chooses to bless all of the preparation that we've applied.

So tonight, I'll head to my hair appointment in attempt to look as good as I can before this process really begins, and then straight out to the gym for my Centergy class where I'll put my all into warrior squats and sun salutation combinations; because if these next few weeks bring us the blessings we've been praying so hard for, there will be no serious squatting or full fledged sun saluting for me in the next eight months.

Unless I can find an amazing pre-natal yoga instructor, that is.

For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Phillippians 4:11-13 (KJV)

God,

Teach me balance, both in service to You and in dealing with infertility. Remind me that I can't always do it all, but through You, anything is possible. Calm my anxious heart, and give me the grace I need to be content with whatever comes my way,

Amen.

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."

-Albert Einstein