Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Shot of Hope

Monday, 1-4-10 (Day 6)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I did it.

I took the first step to recovery from my recent addiction today and purchased a very soothing leaf patterned yoga mat instead of a frappachino.

I can't drink it, but it sure looks good.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): My dose dropped down from 10units to 5units this morning, and I'm excited to hopefully rid myself of the sleep deprivation that's been haunting me for the last few nights.

Tuesday, 1-5-10 (Day 7)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I still haven't used the new yoga mat yet, but I have completed my second day in a row of at least twenty minutes of brisk walking.

It's amazing how wonderful I feel when warm blood is pumping through my body in the cold winter air. It really clears my head and gives me a chance to look around at the sights, sounds, and smells of everything that God's created, and to know that if He can make all of this in less than seven days, He can make me a baby easily; if it's in His will to do so.

It's truly breathtaking.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): It's been a whole week of these injections and I've experienced very minimal bleeding and absolutely no bruising so far. The few side effects I've been plagued with are no longer in sight, and I'm feeling good.

Really good.

Wednesday, 1-6-10 (Day 8)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): The yoga mat that's setting unused, rolled up in the corner of my living room floor isn't doing anything to defer my cravings.

They're getting worse.

Tonight, as I sat down on the couch and spread out my turkey and cheese Lunchable, 60 calorie pudding cup, bag of Flavor Blasted Xtra Cheddar Goldfish, celery sticks filled with cream cheese and my bottle of Minute Maid Blueberry Pomegranate juice, my husband asked me if I thought the little steroid pill was really causing my cravings, or if there was any possibility this was all just in my head.

I didn't know what to say, so I just shot him the dirtiest look I could manage without interrupting my feeding frenzy. He stayed pretty quite about it for the rest of the night, but I could still see him evaluating me out of the corner of his eye every once in a while; silently judging me and my untamed appetite as I indulged.

It didn't help that we were watching The Biggest Loser, either.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): Everything is going so smoothly. I'm not stressed, worried, or obsessive about the process or it's ending result-possibly because I finally let God take control, or maybe because I know we purchased a two cycle plan so I still have a shot even if this time doesn't work-but either way, it's so very nice.

No restrictions, no scales, no worries.

Just hope.

“In all things it is better to hope than to despair”
-Johann Wolfgang


Hillary said...

Tab, I am SO VERY hopeful for you and with you!! I'm thankful this cycle is progressing nicely and you feel such peace. Praise God! :)

Stephanie said...

Lots and lots of hope!!!
(I always feel guilty when I sit on the couch watching Biggest Loser..I feel like I should atleast be jogging in place! lol)

Mom Genes said...

OK, girlfriend. Looks like we're on the right road. I'm bracing for the stims and looking forward to your recap of the same. You are in my prayers always.

Sarah said...

You can break the addiction! It usually takes two weeks to retrain your brain. I'm trying to get off this "I need sweets after ever meal" thing I've been doing. The holidays really messed up my will power...or lack there of!
You can do it!!!
P.S.-If it makes you feel better, the IVF cycle that I got pregnant (with Ella) was the one where I had one small cup of coffee EVERY day!!

Cady said...

It took me a couple of weeks to get off the Diet Mtn. Dew I drank every day before I started my IVF cycle. I think you will break your addiction soon! I'm really hopeful for you this cycle, and I'm so glad you have peace. That's so important yet so hard to have when going through IF treatments.

Robin said...

Hope and LOTS of prayers! You're doing great!!! And really, does anyone NOT feel guilty watching the Biggest Loser? I always feel like a lazy slob and there's no excuse like that crazy little pill. Much love girl!

Mrs. Hammer said...

Mmmm, celery and cream cheese... If you have itunes check out the yogamazing podcast you can download onto your computer. They have tons of 20 minute yoga sessions. I will be praying that this is your cycle - weird cravings and all!!

WantWait&Pray said...

Let's email this week because now is when the big guns come's STIM week!!!!!
I am so happy things have been going so smooth for you sweetie and I have a little tip for ya...about those frapaccino cravings- let yourself indulge once in a while as you have been. Maybe just get a smaller size since it has caffiene- but try not to stress yourself out too much about it. You are working SO hard to put your body into the best health, mindset spiritually and emotionally for this cycle that you deserve to let yourself splurge a bit. It's awesome you've been walking too..I tried to work out as long as I could when I was going through my cycles but as the ovaries got got tougher.
Finally, the tip I was gonna give you...could you substitute the frapacchino for a hot chocolate with a splash of caramel or whatever flavor you like? I have indulged in a few decaf vanilla latte's and they just don't taste the same. I started ordering a hot chocolate with a splash of mint or another flavor and YUMMMM! Hits the spot.
Just a thought my ya and praying for you as always!

Summer {Bisfor...} said...

i've missed you and you know i am routing you on!