Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Keep On Shooting

Saturday, 10-17-09 (Day 32) 4dp5dt

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I remember the days when my only concern was how much weight I was gaining from this little pill.

Now all I want to do is get fat; really pregnant fat.

Ciprofloxacin (500mg, oral pill): Last one, praise the Lord!

PIO (1ml, IM injection): Tonight, I showed off my behind bruises to a few choice friends.

I'm pretty sure they were impressed.

4dp5dt-At four days past a 5 day transfer, the implantation process should continue as the morula buries deeper in the lining.

Sunday, 10-18-09 (Day 33) 5dp5dt

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): You'd think that after more than a month straight of taking these, I wouldn't forget to take them anymore.

But I still do.

And I'm blaming it on pregnancy brain.

PIO (1ml, IM injection): The heating pad is my friend. When placed on my backside after an injection and left on for about an hour, it completely stops the muscle soreness that I would normally experience the following day.

5dp5dt-At 5 days past a 5 day transfer, the morula should be completely implanted in the lining, and has placenta and fetal cells.

Monday, 10-19-09 (Day 34) 6dp5dt

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I don't think these ever really affected my appetite after all. Now that all of my other pills and shots are complete, I no longer have headaches, crazy cravings or fatigue.

PIO (1ml, IM injection):Now if only I could find something to stop the bruising, I'd be set.

6dp5dt-At 6 days past a 5 day transfer, the placenta cells should begin to secret HCG in the blood.

I had full intentions of testing for that precious HCG this morning, but when I woke up to see some pinkish red blood mixed in with the nastiness of last nights PIO suppository residue, I chickened out.

I'm not going to lie; I'm pretty scared, and desperation has set in.

I have the reassurance from fellow IVFers and my doctor that some light bleeding can be completely normal. I also know that I serve a God that is the creator of life, and He is hearing the prayers that are going up today; He is more than capable of perfoming a miracle on our behalf.

But that doesn't mean that just because He can, He will.

Tuesday, 10-20-09 (Day 35) 7dp5dt

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): It's probably just stress and nerves, but my appetite for regular food is pretty much non-existent.

PIO (1ml, IM injection): As much of an inconvienience and bruise maker this shot is, I'm praying that tonight won't be my last one.

7dp5dt-At 7 days past a 5 day transfer, more HCG is produced as the fetus develops.

I was really hoping not to find any scary pinkish-red discharge this morning, but that's exactly what I found. My heart immediately dropped as I realized I was destined yet again to spend the day chugging water and checking my panties for spotting.

Just like yesterday, the majority of the pinkish-red discharge found it's way out early this morning, with just a few episodes of a bit of pink residue on the toilet paper throughout the rest of the day. My doctor asked me not to look to far into the situation, because it's not a full flow and therefore could simply be vaginal irritation brought on by my suppositories, but I know it could also be much more.

Part of me wants to give up now and be realistic-seeing fresh blood is never a good thing-but there is still another piece of my heart that just can't let go of hoping this is our time, no matter how hard I try. I'm still struggling to hold on to the possiblity of a positive outcome, but somewhere deep inside I still feel peace.

I'm hoping this is just another bump in the road to show how powerful God and prayer can be when overcoming the odds seem utterly impossible. And until my beta tomorrow comes and puts an end to this strenuous waiting game, I'll keep doing the only thing I know how.

I'll just keep shooting.

"Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose."
-Tom Krause

24 comments:

colleen said...

i am anxiously awaiting your post for tomorrow's beta. i am praying for your peaceful heart. your faith in the lord is admirable. a good example to all of us. blessings.

Lisa said...

I cant wait for you beta tomorrow and will be praying for you!!! Hang in there!!

The Wilson's said...

I have been thinking about you, I can't imagine the anticipation you must be feeling. I admire your strength! Praying for you and your positive beta tomorrow:)

Brittney said...

Oh, just one more day!!! I was told numerous times that if the blood is pink or brown then it can be implantation bleeding and not to worry. I am so excited for your positive beta tomorrow! You're constantly on my mind and I'm praying for you big-time:)

Summer @ B is for Brown said...

you know what we talked about over email but i wanted to leave a comment here too.

i heart you and i am with you. praying all night. i have recruited my friends to pray for you too.

Summer @ B is for Brown said...

ps - i am going over to church after work to light a candle for you. ok! much love, my friend.

WantWait&Pray said...

Praying, my friend! xoxo

Mrs. Hammer said...

You have been constantly in my prayers these last few days. I'm really pulling for your BFP and know that God can do miracles. I'll pray that this red tinge is just a baby snuggling tight for a 9 month stay. Hang in there!

Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

I will be waiting for your news tomorrow! Think Positive!!

Kelli said...

You're right - God is so powerful and I am praying for a positve beta tomorrow!!! Love you girl!

Stephanie said...

One more day..hang in there girl! Fingers are crossed and praying are coming!!!
Looking forward to a GREAT post tomorrow!
Keep that chin up girl! you are amazingly strong!!

Hillary said...

Praying for you tomorrow! I will be checking all day...

xxoo

Nicole said...

I am super anxious to hear your beta results! Before I even read what your dr. said I was thinking suppository irritation. Or even surgery or something. I didn't have my spotting post-HSG until four days later. Go figure.
God is a fourth-watch God. You are so close. Keep holding on to your hope and faith!!

You Paid More Than Me said...

it's almost 1am and i'm praying for you. Here for you whatever the news may be! Love you much.

Suzanne said...

I'm praying that you get a positive beta!

Brittney said...

Thinking of you and praying for you this morning.

The Wilson's said...

anxiously awaiting a post this morning!

Dianne said...

Oh I hate the 2 week wait, especially when it is full of horrible PIO shots!!

Ok very personal question coming up: Are you putting in your suppostiories with an applicator? I did this and it caused me to bleed a little bit also.

I am praying for you!!!!!!!

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

Your beta is today..oh my! You better be posting later..with your AMAZING NEWS!

Eggs said...

Thinking of you this morning. I am anxiously awaiting your news.
xo

Kelli said...

The suspense is killing me! I'm anxious to hear how your beta went!! :)

Brittney said...

Thinking about you...praying for you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about your negative beta. My husband and I have similar male factor issues and our IVF turned out much the same way, except our embryo did implant but stopped growing almost immediately. Have you ever checked out Hannah's Prayer? If not google it, its a wonderful Christian infertility forum and I know you'll love the support you find there. Something my DH and I are planning to try is the conception kit, it might be something else you could google and look into. Again, I'm sorry about your IVF cycle and praying for peace for you.

Summer @ B is for Brown said...

You've been on my mind a lot and I just wanted you to know I'm sending you a million hugs.

Xoxoxo