Double Shot

Tuesday, 9-29-09 (Day 14)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): Fall has officially come to Northern California, and I couldn't be more blissful. This morning, after taking my little steroid pill, I opened up all the windows and let the crisp Autumn breeze fill the house for the first time in months.

Ravenous appetite or not, today will be a good day.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): I barely even noticed as I pricked myself for the fifty-millionth time this morning, because I too was busy contemplating which candle scent I should purchase to celebrate Fall.

Pumpkin Spice seems the most fitting.

Follistim (300units, subQ injection): Tonight the double shots begin, and my husband resumed his duties by officially administering the medicine that will be growing the organic pumpkin patch in my insides to contain beautiful, strong, mature squashes for our retrieval sometime late next week.

Wednesday, 9-30-09 (Day 15)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I haven't had much of an appetite today, and my stomach has been a little upset.

This could be a very good thing.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): After two full weeks of Lupron shots, my belly button has a permanent black, blue, green and yellow upside down rainbow below it.

Follistim (300units, subQ injection): Instead of finding someone to babysit our toddler and me fighting the fatigue of what would have by now been my second pregnancy, my husband and I spent our third anniversary rushing through a quick dinner to be back home by 6:30 for my time sensitive Follistim shot.

Because after three years of trying, two IUI's, a late MFI diagnosis, one failed IVF and another shot at one currently in progress, we're still not pregnant.

This isn't what I had in mind.

As I sat across from my husband at dinner, I couldn't help but feel blessed, barren womb and all. I may not have the two children I expected to have by now; I'm standing instead right in the middle of our last shot, bruised and battered by needles and infertility. But as I sat in that booth, staring at the other half of my family of two, I realized just how much I have to be thankful for.

And tonight, I can't think of one single reason to complain.

"Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."

-Lao Tzu

Sharp Shooter

Saturday, 9-26-09 (Day 11)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): Today was a celebratory birthday lake bash for my sister-in-law where I was confined to a bathing suit all day long, extra five pounds, Dexamethasone love handle lard, bruised pooch and all.

I wasn't as self conscious as I was expecting to be, and I was really proud of myself for letting go and just having a good time. So proud, in fact, that I decided to treat myself to a cream soda. As I ignored the sugar content and began to drink in the creamy vanilla goodness, I looked down to see the bad words written on the side of the golden can:

Contains Caffeine.

And I had to drop it like it's hot, dang it.

Root beer is caffeine free, so I just assumed that cream soda would be too, but I was wrong. And as soon as I realized what had happened, I yelled over to my unsuspecting husband that he'd better ditch that cream soda before he kills any chance of good sperm that we have left, paying no mind to anyone else within earshot of my frantic warning.

I know. So dramatic.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): Despite the intense caffeine laden cream soda incident, my only other lake issue was the fact that I was still on my period and had to sport a tampon, against my better judgement. And since I'm experiencing a light flow and not used to wearing one anyway, it wasn't until 5pm when we were back safely on the dock that I just had to change it.

I hated that there was no privacy of a bathroom around for at least 45 minutes, but I hated the possibility of toxic shock syndrome-after more than ten hours of use-even more. So for fear of contaminating my pumpkin patch of organic follicles, I did what only I would do and squatted behind a large white pickup truck and made the exchange as quickly as possible.

Then I buried the evidence.

Sunday, 9-27-09 (Day 12)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): Our friends took us out to Mexican this afternoon to celebrate our upcoming anniversary. The restaurant we went to is one of my favorites, mostly because they serve a small plate of delicious re-fried beans and feta cheese with your salsa and chips.

And they just keep refilling it.

I was enjoying it so much, that it took me about three refills to realize I was hogging the tiny plate and no one else was getting any. But even after several more refills, they still weren't saying anything.

They were probably too scared.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): The hot flashes, slightly throbbing headaches, and episodes of waking up several times a night are finally in full force, but it's nothing I can't handle.

Monday, 9-28-09 (Day 13)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): Since I took this pill a little later than normal yesterday morning, I finally experienced a little of the insomnia the bottle warns you about. And since I don't always function the best in the am anyway, I was so out of it that I accidental chewed my Dexamethasone thinking it was my baby aspirin.

It wasn't good.

And then-while still in a daze and on my way to work-I tried to use my duplex's garage door opener to open the front door of my office building.

It didn't work.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): This is the end of the road for just one shot a day; because starting tomorrow I'll be doubling up and adding Follistim into the mix, and then just a couple days after that we'll be doing triple shots with the addition of Luveris.

I can't believe how close we are; in exactly one week I'll be lying in the doctors office finding out how many follicles are growing in my very own pumpkin patch, kicking off the beginning of what's beginning to feel like the story of my life.

Or the start of a new one.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story."

-Orson Welles

Blood Shot

Thursday, 9-24-09 (Day 9)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): I did a little more research today and found out this tiny pill isn't the only culprit responsible for my cravings; apparently Lupron causes ravenous hunger as well.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): Other than the disappointment surrounding the realization that this drug has joined forces with Dexamethasone on operation Make Tab Fat, I'm really impressed with how well everything is going. The shots are smooth, the bruising is at a minimum, the headaches are few and far between, and the need to take naps are nonexistent. And check out these crazy good statistics:

Tab-9, Sharps Container-0.

E2 blood draw: Despite last cycle's hardships with this simple little blood test, today's blood draw was fairly easy. The scene was set a little differently since the phlebotomist wasn't the usual family member of mine, but she was nice enough and she removed my blood just as well.

I did sort of miss the special treatment though.

Especially when the white coated guy behind the counter with a five-o-clock shadow and a fuzzy faux-hawk lazily scanned my lab slip and reminded me that this city doesn't have a hospital or lab that will run this test STAT, because it's just "not that important" of a blood test.

I don't think he necessarily meant it to be rude, but since I was already slightly distressed at the somewhat snarky attitude he gave the old lady in front of me, I was less than impressed by his dismissal of the importance of my blood test results.

Or his hair.

I wanted to to tell him it incredibly foolish to be even remotely rude to a girl that's spent the last nine days being pumped full of hormones, but instead I settled for letting him know that it was indeed important to me, but we'll let it slide this time since he'd be able to get me the results by tomorrow afternoon.

Or else I'll shave his head.

Oh, and just in case it hasn't been made obvious yet, my period arrived right on time today, just like my med calendar's red letters said it would.

That poor guy never had a chance.

Friday, 9-25-09 (Day 10)

Dexamethasone (.75mg, oral pill): In a rush to leave for work on time today, my elephant memory shut down and I forgot-for the first time ever-to take this pill.

I wonder if that was a subconscious action brought on by my love handles.

Lupron (5units, subQ injection): Also caused by my rushing around this morning was some severe pain that was brought on by my not-so-smart injection tactics.

It's really not a good idea to brush your teeth with one hand and shoot yourself with the other.

E2: My favorite lab coat wearing, five-o-clock shadow sporting, fuzzy faux-hawk phlebotomist delivered on his promise today and I was given an E2 level of 33 on day 9 of meds, an excellent, low number landing at less than half of last cycles 67 on day 10 of meds.

So, no worries. God is good, I've received an amazing number that surpassed my expectations, the sarcastic phlebotomist will keep his hair, and I have learned not to judge people based on their appearance and slightly snarky attitude.

He just may have been anxiously waiting for something too.

"Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account."

-Euripides