God's Plan

I found this excerpt on a fellow blogger's site, and thought it would be good to share with everyone, both fertile & infertile:

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive advice. We can list all the most popular ones: just relax and you’ll get pregnant, just stop trying and you'll get pregnant, just adopt a baby that needs a home...of the most painful from those who think they’ve got the goods on God’s plan; maybe God never meant for you to have children. Excuse me? The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

So, what do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down, making us stronger.

No, I don't believe that God's plan is for me to not have children. Infertility is not my destiny; it's merly a fork in the road that I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled. I’ve gained more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven’t let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment, and I am thankful for this trial. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I’ve ever known.

While I would never have chosen infertility, I can't deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice about what God's plan is for my life; I just may smile and kindly say “You don’t need to tell me why He handed me infertility. I'm pretty sure I already know."

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
-Mark Twain

Babies vs. Bellies

I've come to the conclusion that my envy of a big fat pregnant belly far out ways my jealousy of a new mother with a tiny baby. Here's my reasoning:

-When I see a mother with her child, I see something that I will have someday. For me, a baby is an end result that is still attainable, although it may be difficult to reach. Whether it be naturally, with fertility treatments, or through adoption, I have hope that I too will be a mother some day.

-When I see a pregnant belly, I see something I have always wanted, but may never have. I want so badly to feel a baby do somersaults inside my tummy, to feel those little kicks and punches. I want to hear that heartbeat and see a grainy black and white image of my child on the computer screen, flipping around and around. I want morning sickness, cravings and weight gain. I want to be asked rude questions like, "geez...how far along are you?" and "oh, my! How many do you have in there?!" But more than anything, I want to hold my baby in my arms. I can't wait to see them, smell them, and choose the perfect name...

So there it is. I know I shouldn't be complaining, technically, there really is nothing wrong with my husband and I...no real reason to believe that we may never achieve a pregnancy accept our track record of the inability to produce offspring thus far the last 18 months. It's so strange to think that I've spent most of my life wanting to be and/or stay skinny, but right now I can't help but covet those big fat pregnant bellies! Bring on those stretch marks!!!

“I still think people who get pregnant in their own homes and only see their doctors every 4 weeks are freaks of nature...”
-schmoodle, from the blog Busted Baby Maker

Brokenness

I know, I know...I have been a horrible blogger.

After much prayer, my husband and I decided to take a two month break this summer before possibly turning to infertility treatments. I was surprised at how relaxing it was to not have to deal with OPK's, charting cervical mucous, and checking for spotting during that dreaded two week wait...it also helped that we spent most of the past month at a family trip on the coast and then at Church camp. (the weather at the coast was perfect and 14 souls were saved at church camp!) I was able to keep myself busy, and am proud to say that even when AF reared her ugly head right on schedule, I wasn't too discouraged.

But then we moved on to our second and final break-month, and after the craziness of our summer had come to an end I found myself experiencing a sort of "brokenness" that I had never felt before. It only lasted a few days, but it really brought me to my knees and sort of stripped me down, which is right where I think God wanted me to be so that He could pick up the pieces and heal me, proving once again that He's the only one that can fix our problems. Since then, I have realized how much time I spend in prayer when times get tough, and how little time I spend when things are going my way.

One of my weaknesses as a Christian is to only run to God when things are hard, asking for His strength and guidance. But it's important to remember that I need God just as much in the good times as in the bad times. I still need to lean on God even when things seem perfect, because that's when Satan attacks.

Now we are both praying that God will guide us in the decision to begin treatments if this month doesn't bring us a pregnancy. God is already opening up doors, and it's amazing to sit back and watch him work in our lives!

"Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
- Helen Keller