The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The Good: I am officially 14dpIUI, 15dp+OPK, and still no spotting!

The Bad: This pretty much means we've figured out why I spot, and there's nothing we can do about it (how ironic is that? The one thing that's supposed to result in a baby not only doesn't result in a baby, but instead causes my spotting).

The Ugly: I have tonsillitis. My HPT this morning was negative. And I only have one IUI left until we reach the end of our road.

I know I'm supposed to practice what I preach and "Think (+) Positive", and I'm sure I'll bounce back tomorrow. But for today?

This just sucks.

"It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final."

-Roger Babson

Spot Watch

11dpIUI and 12dp+OPK

And still no spotting! Even though we've discovered my spotting is most likely not related to my infertility, and more related to my ridiculously sensitive cervix, how could I not be hopeful? I'll test on Monday.

It's going to be a long weekend.

"Dum spiro, spero” (While I breathe, I hope)
-Latin Proverb

Halfway There

I'm officially 7dpIUI, halfway through my 2 week wait and currently spot free...due in theory to lack of relations with my husband.

That's right, after some extensive questioning the Dr. has a new explanation for my spotting; I have a sensitive cervix. Apparently everyday activities-including but not limited to intercourse-can irritate my oh-so-delicate cervix and cause the spotting I've been experiencing. So this month we are experimenting (oh the things we'll give up to get what we want) and so far we haven't seen any spotting. Good news is if I continue to make it through the rest of this cycle spot-free, then we'll be able to identify the culprit. Bad news is we we'll be able to identify the culprit, and I'll just have to live with the spotting forever. Plus my beloved progesterone will have been unnecessary all along, which is a shame because I've become a progesterone pig and gained about 5 pounds in the last week. No joke, I've been eating everything in sight. Last month I had sore boobs, this month a ravenous, uncontrollable appetite, but I've welcomed this craziness with open arms because I assumed the progesterone would be the salvation from my spotting issues. Now that I've been enlightened, I may not be so much in love with progesterone.

As for knowing I'll be able to find out if this cycle worked in exactly one week? I'm actually calm. Maybe it's because I'm just assuming a negative because of our mysterious low and lazy sperm this month, or maybe my body secretly knows something I don't; I'm pregnant. Or maybe I just grew up overnight and realized that worrying about it can't possibly affect the outcome of this cycle. Either way, I'm loving the peace that I have and I'm hoping and praying it continues for the remainder of my 2 week wait. It's in God's hands, and I know He'll take care of it-and me-spotting, ravenous appetite, lazy sperm and all.

"One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it."
-Sidney Howard

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise

How's that for positive thinking?

Actually that's pretty far fetched to tell you the truth, because I just got back from my IUI and was confronted with some not-so-good-news; our sperm count was less than adequate this month. Our Dr. still performed the IUI, but he wasn't very pleased with our post-wash count of 1.5 million; they like to see at least 2 million, and last month we had just over that. This month? Not so much.

And although I'm painfully aware that my whole Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise attitude is pretty unrealistic this month, I don't care. Because I have faith that God can do anything, and there's still a chance-despite the statistics-that one of these 1.5 million sperms could be our saving grace. So regardless of this months sperm issues, or lack there of, I still have hope. Besides, it only takes one, right? Who needs the other 1.49 million anyway?!?

Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.
-Dr. Napoleon Hill

A Blond With An OPK

Today I used one of my Clear Blue OPK's and got what I *thought* was a positive. Shoot. Honestly, what's the deal with these lines? It's never easy to tell if one is really "darker than" or "similar too" the test line, it's just way too tricky. So to be safe, I decided to hold my urine and try yet again 4 hours later...and saw the same thing. Just a little bit lighter. I think. Dang those sketchy blue lines, I just can't tell! And I can't call and schedule an IUI for tomorrow morning with a possible +OPK, it has to be the real deal.

So I ran like a mad women to Target where I purchased a ridiculously expensive pack of digital OPK's. My strategy was simple: use one more regular OPK test, then if it's still questionable break down and use a digital. Being the patient person that I am, I decided that 3 hours was close enough to 4 and into the cup went the regular OPK. After the required 2 minutes I saw a line that I'm pretty sure was even fainter than the last one. Dang it! So out came the directions for the digital. First remove the test stick, then locate the pink arrow, then remove the pink cap, then click into place, then dip in the cup, then lay vertically for...shoot. It's flashing an error at me! Of course it is. I am officially the queen of dysfunctional urine testing. Trying to remain calm, I un-click the stick, then click it back in, but it's still flashing at me. Seriously? So I reach for the piece-of-crud-test to eject the stick and put in a new one, and wait a minute...there's a digital smiley face! I swear if I would have had any urine left in me I would have peed my pants.

After a quick re-read through the directions I realized that the test is supposed to be flashing; that's your sign that it's working. No kidding. I should have known I'd run into trouble, these aren't your regular dip-stick OPK's Toto, these are high-tech digitals. And oh-my-goodness I haven't been this in love since I was introduced to progesterone. But you know what I would love even more? If in about two weeks I have a smile on my face that's even happier then the one on this test because the free digital pregnancy test that came with these OPK's turned up with the word Pregnant. That would be wonderful.

“It’s great to be blond. With low expectations it’s easy to surprise people”.
–Pamela Anderson

Right On Track

So far we are right on track. Too bad we couldn't choose a different track to be on...

Last night I took my last dose of Clomid, and although I was really enjoying my nightly hot flash sessions and occasional stabbing head pain, I'm glad to be done with them. I really shouldn't complain, I'm only taking 50mg a night and my side effects have actually been very minimal, but still...hopefully that was the last dose I will ever have to take. Ever.

Next up: I wait for a positive OPK. That's right, we are doing this one all natural...sort of. Well, not really. We are still taking Clomid before, Progesterone after, and of course the anything-but-natural process of a catheter into my cervix IUI, but we're skipping the costly sonogram and painful trigger shot in exchange for a positive OPK. We're also setting up for one really good IUI this time instead of two back to back IUI's. I've been doing some research of my own, and it seems that two IUI's don't really give higher pregnancy rates, just a higher credit card bill at the end of the month.

So bring on the positive OPK and let's get this IUI train rolling, because I'd really like to get off on the next stop and finally reach my destination; baby or bust!

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
-Will Rogers